Congratulations to Mr. Diggs on his new career as a hipster gondolier. He’s just in time to pitch himself to the 2028 Olympics. All they need to do is flood the concrete gash that is the L.A. River, and then he can row the flame from Long Beach all the way to downtown L.A. and the Valley, at which point he will be nowhere near the opening ceremony so they’ll give it to Kiefer Sutherland-as-Jack Bauer and he’ll hop in an SUV and immediately get stuck in 405 traffic, before realizing he forgot to buy parking in advance and therefore will have to trot the torch in from the closest metro station. Classic City of Angels. You think Paris drew that thing out? JUST WAIT.
